She's JV to your varsity
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
