Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
