they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
