we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
