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just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
