If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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