I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
