you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
