I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
