Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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