Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
