I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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