Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
