I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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