I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
