The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
