Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
