dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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