I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
