yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
