He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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