My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
