We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
