He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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