I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
