I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
