Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
