Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
