If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
