she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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