he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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