i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dear god my vagina.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
