woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
