I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
