im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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