We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
