We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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