No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
These tits shall not be calmed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
