I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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