I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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