Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
false alarm, still single
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
