grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
