Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
