my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
