This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
