His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
