i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
