Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
nutella sex= disaster
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
