did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
