So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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