on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
