i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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