We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
