I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
