found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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